You might be familiar with a popular television comedy that features a lead character who realizes his dream of opening a pizza restaurant. Several months after the restaurant opens his wife quit her full-time job to help run the business. When the new entrepreneur overrode a decision his wife made about an employee, in front of the staff, she exploded.  He said she was out of line and told her that, just as he checked his ego at the door of their home, where she was the boss, he expected her to do the same at the restaurant – where he was the boss. She immediately agreed. Go to commercial.

 

That’s a television sitcom for you, in which all crises can be resolved in 20 minutes. In real life, tensions between family members who work together aren’t so easily smoothed. When family and business mix, discord can spin out of control and drag down relationships and the enterprise, sometimes leading to divorce and bankruptcy.

 

But a strong family business can be formidable. Particularly in the restaurant business, in which many independent operations are family-owned and managed, there are numerous success stories. As this article discusses, it is critical that you learn to work effectively with your parents, spouse, children and siblings and, more importantly, work at it, every day.

 

Divide and Conquer

 

Executive Chef Jon-Paul Hutchins, an instructor at Scottsdale Culinary Institute in Scottsdale, Ariz., believes it’s essential that restaurant owners have restaurant experience and culinary training before they open their doors. “Work in a restaurant before you open one, and learn on someone else’s dime,” he says, suggesting that at least “one member of the family should graduate from a culinary school.”

 

After that a clear division of responsibilities is critical to successful operations. “And you need to be incredibly flexible,” Hutchins says.  “I’ve been with restaurants that still included five generations of a family, but their roles evolved over time. When (a family restaurant situation) was really good, everyone fulfilled their roles and, once they found their niches, they did phenomenally well. You can’t have two chefs and no accountant.”

 

Michael Schubert opened Maggio’s with a partner, in Southampton, Penn., 30 years ago. He grew up in the food business and managed a pizza, steak and hoagie shop before opening his own restaurant with a similar menu. When Michael’s original partner left the business his wife, Gina, took over marketing and catering responsibilities. The couple’s two sons and a daughter also have grown up in and work at the restaurant.

 

“We make sure everyone has their own area of responsibility,” Gina says. “Otherwise there is poor communication and power struggles and you (end up) doing things twice. It depends on what each person is good at, and each of us brings different things to the table.”

 

Magnolia Pancake House, in San Antonio opened about seven years ago. Company president Robert Fleming has worked with his wife, Sheila, from the beginning. Sheila focuses more on marketing and guest relations and Robert focuses on in-house operations. Establishing a clearly delineated chain of command also is important in a family restaurant operation.

 

“It is imperative that lines of leadership be established very early in the process (of opening a restaurant),” says Patricia M. Bowman, associate professor with The Center for Food and Beverage Management, The Hospitality College, Johnson & Wales University, Providence, R.I. “Employees appreciate consistency in a restaurant as much as guests do. When the lines of responsibility are not clearly established with the family members themselves, it is difficult for the employees to know who is in charge.”

 

The Flemings have made certain every employee knows the established ‘pecking order’ in their restaurant. That was especially important as their daughter, Patricia, grew up in the business. “As this teenager was growing up and we were trying to keep her young and innocent, she was working around people in their 20s who took her under their wing like a younger sister,” Robert said. “(I had to tell her), ‘they are not your friends, they’re my employees and you take the family’s side.’”

 

Opposites Attract

 

Dee and Ron Nusser own the 90-seat Brothers Bistro in Fallbrook, California, after selling three other locations. Because they have completely opposite management styles, the couple minimizes how much time they spend together at the restaurant, and they’re very clear about who is responsible for which tasks.

 

Ron oversees the wine list, front of the house employees, and all ordering. Dee is the executive chef, and she works with back-of-house employees. She also handles catering and event planning, marketing, Web and menu design and financial books for the restaurant.

 

“Ron’s always happy when I take care of things,” Dee says. “I come from a banking background and am very conscious about labor laws and anything that pertains to paperwork. I am more of a solitary, studious kind of person. He’s better with the employees than I am. You need to have a good yin and yang, as far as who has the talent to do what.”

 

“If you can’t separate responsibilities, forget it,” Ron says. “Find out what each family member is good at and then designate who will do what. That’s especially important in the restaurant business, because it is fast-paced.”

 

Division of responsibilities also plays an important role in the Mirabile family’s restaurant. Jasper, Jr. co-owns Jasper’s Restaurant, in Kansas City, with his older brother, Leonard. The casual, upscale Italian restaurant serves Sicilian, Tuscan and Piedmontese cuisine. Jasper handles the kitchen, menu development and marketing responsibilities, while Leonard handles office and financial matters and the front of the house. Although Jasper has become the restaurant’s public persona through his cookbooks, media appearances, and cooking demonstrations, he and Leonard split all profits 50/50.

 

“He does what he does and I do what I do,” Leonard says. “I take care of the business end and he takes care of the cooking. I don’t think Jasper has written a check in seven years.” Nevertheless, Jasper does look at the books frequently.

 

Communication is Key

 

When Sam Silvio opened Piropos Restaurant in Parkville, Missouri, six years ago, his brother, Nick, helped get the restaurant going. Sam’s wife, Jana is banquet coordinator, his sister-in-law, Annette, waits tables, his father-in-law, Gary, oversee finances and Gary’s sister, Leslie, has helped with a little bit of everything.

 

Sam says that, with the exception of Gary, who works outside the restaurant, other family members have joined the business saying, ‘We’ll do the tasks that Sam assigns us.’ But it wasn’t quite that simple when Sam undertook a previous restaurant venture with his brothers. “Before you think about (going into) the restaurant business with a partner you need to determine individual responsibilities and who each person is accountable to because the dividing lines can become muddy,” he says.

 

The Schuberts agree. They have weekly meetings to address any issues with the restaurant, and then they meet with their managers. “If you don’t have regular communication it’s bad for business, whether verbal or written,” Gina says.

 

Evan and Andrea Grier purchased Harry’s Restaurant in Manhattan, Kansas, in mid-2006. To the existing restaurant, which had been a Manhattan fixture since 1989, they added a small deli called Howdy’s, which particularly caters to the business community. Though new to restaurant ownership, both of the Griers attended and graduated from the hotel and restaurant management program at Kansas State University and they both grew up around family-owned businesses.

 

The couple divided their responsibilities, early on, and they always try to frame their discussions against the goals and core values they have established for the business. They also built in several hours of overlapping time they spend in the restaurant, each day, in addition to the hours they spend there individually.

 

“It helps our quality of life because our responsibilities are clearly delineated,” Evan says. “You utilize each person’s strengths and liabilities. When Andrea and I do disagree it needs to remain a business discussion. Problems tend to escalate when personal issues get brought into those discussions. Regardless of our difference of opinion, we’re both trying to better the organization. When we disagree, the person with that responsibility has the final say.

 

“(Division of responsibilities) helps in communicating with other members of the organization, too; it’s absolutely vital because one clear message is being presented.”

The couple takes a ‘team approach’ to management of the restaurant, by using the expertise of longtime employees, and meeting with their core management group to communicate goals and objectives every other week. Andrea says flexibility is important too. She and Evan have changed their individual responsibilities as their business needs have changed.

 

“Not only should there be flexibility for the operational structure as the business grows and changes, but there needs to be flexibility for family members as their personal lives grow and change, especially if the family structure is such that there are teenage children working in the operation,” Bowman says. “As they discover careers and destinies of their own, they should be afforded the opportunity to leave the operation and grow on their own.”

 

Same Kid, New Role

 

A tricky transition occurs when the restaurant owner’s child suddenly becomes a “boss” in the business. In this case, it is important that employees understand your offspring’s new roles and responsibilities.

 

Leonard’s son, Jasper III, has helped at Jasper’s since he was 12 years old. At age 27, he currently works full-time in the restaurant. When Jasper III (known to his family as “J III”) completed college he started to work at Jasper’s full-time and opened up the restaurant every morning. And that meant longtime employees had to adjust.

 

One morning, J III told the cook to do something and he didn’t do it. Instead, he proceeded the way he always had. J III asked his father what to do. The next day, J told the cook if he didn’t do what J III asked he would be let go. Leonard later verified with the cook that he should have followed J III’s instructions. He has listened to J III since that time, and the men have been good friends ever since.

 

As a previous member of a family-owned operation, Bowman believes family members should be evaluated the same as all other employees, which sends the message that all employees are equal and will be handled as such. But diplomacy can be a real challenge when employees also are family members. Lindy Robinson, assistant dean for design and hospitality at Johnson County Community College in Overland Park, Kansas, says family-run restaurants must clearly establish how to respond when family members don’t live up to expectations.

 

“It’s important to all parties involved, to vocalize what their expectations are for the business, how to protect the bottom line, and what are acceptable behaviors; for instance, you can treat your in-laws to dinner but not your sorority sisters,” Robinson says.

 

“There’s going to be emotion in the day-to-day operations, so maybe you schedule a weekly meeting to talk over issues and situations (that arise). Practice open, honest communication.”

 

The language used can make a huge difference in how well a message is received. Telling a family member that he needs more training to do his job effectively is far different from saying, ‘If you weren’t my brother I wouldn’t have hired you.’

 

“I’m from a big Italian family, with a hierarchy (based on age),” Silvio says. “I was the oldest boy and I would still treat my brothers as ‘little brothers.’ Before you start the business, put aside that they are younger siblings.

 

“It’s easy to forget diplomacy because there are so many emotional ties; but you actually should be even more diplomatic,” Silvio says. “The best thing about working with family members is I’m perhaps more honest about what’s going on with the restaurant and less likely to be a ‘yes’ man, initially.” Silvio hired a new general manager in November 2006, which further reduces the potential for family squabbles at work.

 

Dee Nusser rarely goes in to the restaurant at night because she says she and Ron would likely fight. “We can’t work in the restaurant at the same time,” she says. “But I’m very patient and he’s very forgiving. We do respect each other and I respect his people skills. We don’t hold a grudge and we both have a good sense of humor.”

 

“You need to make a concerted effort to talk about anything other than the business (outside of the restaurant),” Ron Nusser says. “And it’s critical to eliminate personal ego from business concerns. You have to know when to bow out, which takes time. For instance, Dee sometimes doesn’t understand the time constraints in the day-to-day operations of the restaurant.”

 

Andrea Greer says it’s important to be flexible with each other’s favored method of communication, particularly when issues do arise. She often communicates with Evan via email, while he knows she responds best to face-to-face discussions. With serious communication, Dee Nusser often writes Ron a letter, because she knows he needs to sleep on things before he makes a big decision.

 

Take the Long View

 

Some lucky restaurant families have a perspective gained from growing up in the business. Jasper Mirabile, Sr. opened the original Jasper’s Restaurant in 1954. Beginning at age 8, brothers Jasper, Jr., Leonard, Salvatore, and James cut bread under their parents’ watchful eyes. The boys later shifted to dishwashing and preparation of pasta dishes.

 

After graduating from restaurant and hotel schools, Leonard and Jasper, Jr. returned to the family business. The Mirabiles opened Marco Polo’s Italian market and deli in 1984, and The Trattoria, a casual sit-down restaurant, in 1990. The family later closed these spots and reopened Jasper’s in its current location.

 

Jasper, Jr. says he and his brothers were raised to respect each other. He and Leonard also married their high school sweethearts, who grew up with and understand the demands of the Mirabile family’s business. “We kid each other and our employees a lot, all day long, and we tell all of our new employees (we do that),” Leonard says.

 

Learn to Separate Family Time from Business Time

 

Taking a break from the family business requires effort. The Mirabiles close the restaurant all day, every Sunday, and make time for other family obligations as they arise. “You don’t see your own family and they have to understand that will be the case,” Leonard Mirabile says, “but you have to carve out time for family.” The Griers also close their restaurants on Sundays, and they set aside one evening a week – barring unforeseen circumstances – to spend time together away from the restaurant.

 

“Our home time is so limited, but we have a home life separate of being business partners,” Evan Grier says. “At home we don’t discuss restaurant issues.” Robert Fleming believes his family has become more adept at separating business and family life in the last couple of years.

 

“We started the restaurant when Patricia was in the seventh grade, so we were growing the business while raising a child,” Fleming says. “We serve only breakfast and lunch and we’re finished at two, so we’ve been better able to make ourselves available for some of those ‘kid things.’”

 

Gina Schubert says that with their children living on their own now, the five family members rarely get together for “family time,” except at the holidays; particularly since they serve customers seven days a week. The family also recently moved the restaurant and expanded their operations to include catering, a bar with entertainment, banquet space for 300 and an Internet café.  Although the Nussers’ daughter is grown and gone their assistant manager currently lives with them, which can further complicate the division between restaurant life and home life.

 

“One of the issues I have is that there’s no break from the business,” Dee Nusser says. “One of them is (always) telling me what happened the night before.”
 

Because the Nussers work opposite hours in the restaurant they generally spend time together at home, in the morning. “Our social life has been seriously curtailed for the last five years, but we are now taking one day a week together (for ourselves) ,” Dee says.
 

Robert and Sheila Fleming are less likely to discuss division of responsibilities at the dinner table every night, nowadays, because they try to wrap up business before they return home. “We’ve been doing this for 2 ½ years, and I think it’s absolutely key,” Robert says.

 

Looking to the Future

 

Selecting which family member will take over when the original owner steps down or away from the business can be a touchy situation. The decision needs to be based on who is most qualified. This means taking the emotion out of the decision, which is difficult when dealing with siblings and children. Robinson says that sending a family member to a different restaurant for several years of training can help reduce tensions among other family members if that person returns in a leadership role.

 

“When he returns, he is no longer as tied to the family unit,” Robinson says. “He gains a sense of autonomy outside the family fold. He’s looking at the business more objectively and with a business eye. In any business, good solid business decisions should not be made based on emotions.”

 

The Schuberts have created a loose, 10-year plan for their sons to buy them out and take over the business, although nothing is on paper yet. Sam Silvio says his current succession plan for Piropos is general, and strictly verbal.

 

Fleming plans to work in the business for as long as “the Lord and my body allow me.” But he doesn’t presume to know whether his daughter, Patricia, will have any interest in working with the pancake house later on. For now, she’s a freshman college student who plans to be a civil engineer.

 

The Nussers’ daughter has expressed no interest in running the restaurant. Just because a child grows up in and around a family restaurant does not mean s/he will choose to carry on the family tradition.

 

 “The industry is not for everyone,” Bowman says. “Family members may need an ‘out.’ A family is too important to be held hostage to a restaurant if you know in your heart of hearts that the industry is not for you.

 

“The best time to ask (family members), ‘What would you do if this operation was yours?’ is during the initial planning stages, when the lines of responsibility are being established. This way, everyone in the family has agreed to the successor and there are no surprises when that time comes.”

 

For the Greers, the thought of what to do when they’re no longer interested in running the restaurant is the furthest thing from their minds. The young restaurateurs are much more focused on growth right now. But that doesn’t mean they’re unaware of the need to plan for the distant future. “We realize the importance of succession planning because of our family backgrounds,” Andrea says.